This house was built for laser tag.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
