i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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