I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize