If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.