I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.