he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.