Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.