He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
