you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
