I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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