No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
