We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother