you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs