We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps