Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.

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(207): We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble. http://tfl.nu/c9ha

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(510): View more from California

my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice

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(510): my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice http://tfl.nu/x5d6

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum. http://tfl.nu/5o8q

Replies (9) Good night (4304) Bad night (689)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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(501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve

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(517): View more from Michigan

Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

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(517): Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you http://tfl.nu/77p0

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

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(740): Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level. http://tfl.nu/r4mw

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

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(336): Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye http://tfl.nu/fu4x

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(914): View more from New York

You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.

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(914): You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property. http://tfl.nu/9au5

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(513): View more from Ohio

4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him

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(513): 4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him http://tfl.nu/uj7g

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(860): View more from Connecticut

She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.

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(860): She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused. http://tfl.nu/7uxa

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(847): View more from Illinois

I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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(847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes

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(717): They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes http://tfl.nu/nt6q

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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(+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7

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(457): View more from

Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though

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(457): Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though http://tfl.nu/vzyv

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(703): View more from Virginia

To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.

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(703): To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads. http://tfl.nu/17wa

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