Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently