Are we in a gay sports bar?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.