She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.