You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING