You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
