Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i think my cat just said my name.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
