I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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