Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
