I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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