I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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