I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
