So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
