even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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