fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize