he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize