In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
