Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode