I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.