you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?