I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it