nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
