My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
