I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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