fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
