if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize