Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
