I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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