all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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