and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.