you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.