I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?