is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid