I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?