I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
