There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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