yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
