If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.