So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.