I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break