my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.