im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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