my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Please don't give away my fajitas
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