Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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