I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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