my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize