FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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