Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.