Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage