Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.