You're completely useless in the revolution.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.