Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.