quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo