dude i'm inner monologue high
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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