The maid of honor just puked.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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