Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize