your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
