i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
