So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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