We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
