do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
